Hard times can break us – or
they can help us become deeper and more compassionate people. And I
I think) the difference between the two is connected with give yourself mercy
It was a difficult winter.
My husband lost his father
suddenly a few months ago and my dad (who was very ill) spent three weeks
Navigating two terribly sad events
in a row confirmed that I am a strong woman. Stronger and more elastic than
I gave myself credit.
But I'm not a super woman.
About a week after losing my
Dad, I sat on the trail during the hike because I was full of emotions.
Some people may consider this a moment of weakness, but I consider this a victory.
Few years ago i would
pushed through. Told himself to put up with this. To stop crying. Keep going. I
it would be a shame if someone saw me there in the mud.
But I allowed myself to be dirty. I allowed myself to feel my truth completely without judgment. I gave myself mercy at that moment.
Assessing our emotions as wrong, bad, inappropriate or too big adds a huge amount of unnecessary suffering.
Looking back, there were many occasions to give yourself mercy this winter. Lower expectations. Focusing only on basic habits (drink water, eat a lot of fruits + vegetables, get enough sleep). Skip the gym and walk outside instead. Book club hosting later this year. Sale of hockey tickets.
Grace creates a space for restoration and healing. Grace as a loving (and effective) parent. Grace not just like permissiveness.
No cake for dinner or grief – I or Netflix drinking all day. Which would be pretty easy to justify.
Differences? Permissiveness feels good at the moment (like this pint of ice cream), but terrible in the long run. Giving yourself grace feels good both now and later.
I'm still figuring out what life is called. I do not have all the answers and never will. But one thing I know for sure – learning to give yourself grace was a great gift.
"I met myself and will furiously take care of her."
– Glennon Doyle Warrior of love
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